two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
