Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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