So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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