just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Randomize
