New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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