So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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