just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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