a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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