so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
