Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
