You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
