And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
zippers are such a cool invention
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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