Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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