Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
