FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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