Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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