Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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