How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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