P.S. I can't hear my feet
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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