So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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