While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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