Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
What a dumb baby whore.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
