I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
