you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
