everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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