Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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