Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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