ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
