Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
