Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
