So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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