I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
