Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
