hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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