Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
