Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
