If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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