"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
