oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You smell like stripper and shame
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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