I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
