very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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