While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
either way he was missing a nipple.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
