does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
