Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
