Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
