I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
