first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
