Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
