i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
