the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
