I swear she didn't look like that last week.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
