I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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